The hardest part of life is not knowing. Of having to assume or imagine what exactly is going on without in their lives — are they better off? are they happier? are they spiraling into self-destruction? Simply. You can’t know. No matter how hard you try, they won’t let you know. And so you’re forced to wonder and question whether the parlay between you two was nothing but niceties, a decision to spare your feelings while the other party has the fullest intention to cut you out, shut you down, and ultimately forget about you.
The hardest part is willing to be there no matter what you don’t know. The hardest part is being ignored, all your questions if they’re okay, unanswered. You feel like baggage on their lives, and maybe they would be better off if you just left. Packed up and said Adios. Maybe.
But I have no intention of doing that. Sticking it to the end and trudging through what I don’t know. My only hope is that what I don’t know, what I so desperately want to know, is that you’ll be alright. That there be a day again that I do know, that you want to tell me everything. But until that day, I’ll be here on the sidelines, whether you truly want me here or not, just waiting for the hardest part to pass.